Posted by: Chris Sandel | May 13, 2008

Zen Sarcasm

A while back one of the guys on staff at our church sent this out in an email.  I’m not a big fan for forwards but I did get a kick out of some of these.  These are the kind of forture cookies I’d like to get.  My top five favorite: 1, 6, 9, 10 and 23.  Anyone else got favorite wisdom to live by (from below or elsewhere)?

  1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.
  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
  3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  4. I am nobody, and nobody is perfect: therefore I am perfect.
  5. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  6. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  8. If you think that nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  10. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  13. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
  14. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
  15. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  16. The quickest way to double your money, is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  18. Duct tape is like ‘The Force.’ It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
  19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  20. Generally speaking, you’re not learning much if your lips are moving.
  21. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  23. Never, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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